


I, Dean Winchester, am in love with Castiel Novak (Destiel AU)

by Fight_The_Fairies



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Love, M/M, Sad, Suicide, Supernatural - Freeform, depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:08:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2392868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fight_The_Fairies/pseuds/Fight_The_Fairies





	1. Chapter 1

I sat quietly. I could feel the old wood underneath me. I could see the water around me. I just sat there, drifting with the light waves that pushed themselves through the water. The sounds of the birds singing in the distance and the quiet howling of the wind was all that I could hear as I sat in the old boat.

Tears began to prick in my eyes before slowly sliding down my face. My breath got caught in the back of my throat as I slowly stood up. I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore, the burst out of me but I knew no one would be able to hear me cry here, no one could hear my screams.

"Just do it" I cried to myself, as I sobbed.

"CAS!" a voice screamed out from behind the trees, "Don't do it!"

"I-I cant, Just.." My voice croaked and tears streamed down my face as I saw those two green eyes watching me. Eyes full of pain and sorrow. Eyes that made me rethink everything. Eyes that made the world around me stop. Every breath, every heartbeat, every sound was pure perfection when I get lost in those eyes, his eyes.

"Stay there!" He yelled and jumped in the lake, swimming towards me as fast as he possibly could, and within second he was there, hugging me tightly as he paddled the boat back to the dock. I collapsed into his arms as he helped me out of the boat. I wrapped my arms around him and cried into the crook of his neck. He just held me tightly.

"I-i thought you left a-and weren't coming back!" I cried and cried, I couldn't help myself.

"Hey" he whispered quietly, his voice deep and gravely. Full of sadness and pain.

I looked up into his beautiful green eyes only to see that they weren't the same. They were dull and sad, tears filled them until they overflowed and began pouring down his face.

"I will always love you" he cried. I smiled up at him as I pushed myself into his chest, hugging him tightly.

"I, Dean Winchester, am in love with Castiel Novak" He yelled loudly, a small smile crossed his face as he yelled it.

***************

 

1 YEAR EARLIER.

"CAS!" Raphael yelled from downstairs, "TIME FOR YOUR FIRST DAY OF HIGH SCHOOL!"

I groaned as I kicked the sheets on my bead, off of me. I hardly slept at all. The whole night I was just sitting in bed, doing what I normally do. Read. Book after book, I would just sit there quietly, trying not to make a noise, hiding under the covers is Raphael decided to check on me.

I swung my feet over the side of the bed. A shiver went down my spine as my feet touched the cold wooden floor. I sat there for a while, getting used to the cold morning air. I could feel myself slowly drifting back off to sleep, swaying back and forth on the bed.

"CASTIEL NOVAK, GET THE HELL OUT OF BED!" I jumped at the sound of his voice and shot towards the shower quicker than lightning.

I quickly had a shower and got dressed, putting on my usual trench coat over the top of a white shirt with a blue tie. I brushed my jet black hair but gave up trying to make it look good. Quickly I ran my hands through my hair, messing it up then walked down stairs for breakfast.

"Finally, you're awake" Raphael smiled at me.

Raphael was my older brother, he was pretty much the father figure in my life. I never knew my parents or what actually happened to them, but I didn't care.

"I'M AWAKE AND OFF TO SCHOOL!" Gabriel yelled and ran out of the door, he was also older than me, not by much, but he liked to act like he was years older than me. I looked over to him and saw his bag, sitting on his back, with all sorts of candy and lolly's falling out of the back. i lets out a small laugh, he was always eating candy.

"Alright Cas, you need a ride there?" Raph said when i had finished eating my weetbix. I shook my head, signalling a no and he just smiled.

I began walking out of our small house, stopping at the fence around it I stood there and looked back at it. I was now off to high school, being a big kid, what if the other kids didn't like me? What if I got bullied?

Anxiety began to fill my body as my thoughts began to race. I took a few deep breaths, calmed myself down and began walking.

You'll be fine I thought to myself, repeating over and over in my head.

I'm sure you'll be okay, everything will be okay.

Im sure they'll like you, or at least you'll make one friend.

Step after step, I dragged my feet along the cold sidewalk, only hearing my shoes scraping along it. I looked around me. I was alone, and no one was here.

I reached inside my small, black backpack and pulled out a small MP3 player and some blue headphones, put them in my ears and shuffled through the songs, trying to find a good one, or whatever one I felt like at this moment in time.

I stopped when I arrived at Blister in The Sun by Violent Femmes.

I looked around one more time, before I began dancing along with the music. It started small, just bobbing along with the beat.

" When I'm out walkin', I strut my stuff -- yeah, I'm so strung out" I sang out loud as I danced along the path way, a huge smile across my face.

"I'm high as a kite; I just might stop to check you out, Body and beats, I stain my sheets -- I don't even know why, My girlfriend, she's at the end -- she is starting to cry" I continue singing, yelling loudly, the music washing away all worries and awareness of the world around me. That was until a car pulled up along side me and the guy in the front beeped his horn. I looked over to see a guy with the most beautiful green eyes ever. Most beautiful eyes ever!

"HEY!" He yelled out, watching me with a smirk across his face, "Nice dance moves" he winked at me and laughed softly.

Oh boy, I was embarrassed, I felt my cheeks heat up as I blushed a deep shade of red. I didn't say a word but slowly pulled my headphones off and quietly continued walking towards the school.

The man kept driving next to me, every so often I would look over slightly and see him smile at me.

"Do you want a ride?" He smiled, gesturing for me to hop in.

I shook my head signalling a no but that didn't stop him.

"Come on!" He yelled, almost begging, "the school is a while away, I'll drive you" I sighed as he made the engine of the beautiful 1967 Chevy Impala purr.

"Okay" I sighed, as I walked over to the Impala, "Just this once." I didn't want some guy I didn't know driving me to school, but he wouldn't stop trying to get me in the car, and it was a beautiful Impala. How could I say no?

Before I reached the car, the boy stepped out and reached for my hand. As soon as our hands touched I felt shivers shoot down my spine.

"Im Dean" he said, his voice low and gravely.

I looked up at him as he smiled down at me, I felt myself blush again as I looked into his eyes. His beautiful emerald green eyes stared back at me, glowing perfectly, those soft green pools of light staring right into my soul, making my legs underneath me feel wobbly like jelly.

"And, you are?" He laughed quietly, waiting for me to say something. I must have been staring into his eyes for a few minutes.

"I-I'm Castiel" I said nervously, I had never been this nervous around anyone.

"Castiel" he repeated, the sound of my name rolling off his tongue made me shiver, "Well Cas, it's nice to meet you." And with that he walked around the car and opened the door for me, helping me in like I was some queen or something. I couldn't help but laugh.

He quickly ran around and got into the drivers seat, started the engine and we were off. I could tell he was completely ignoring the speed limit because of the huge smirk on his face as he held the leather wheel in his hands.

Within moments we arrived at the school, it wasn't very exciting, just looked like every other school, boring. The only part I was looking foward to was checking out the books in the library and maybe even art. But that was it.

When the car stopped, Dean ran over to my side to open the door, helping me out of the car.

"T-thank you" I said nervously, unsure of why he was even doing all this. I wasn't anyone special, and I sure wasn't a girl, a guy like him could pick anyone up!

"Anytime" he smiled.

I began walking towards the school, holding my backpack with both my hands on my shoulders when I heard the shuffle of feet ruining quickly up behind me.

"Hey!" Dean said, putting his hand on my shoulder making me freeze for a second before coming back to the reality around me. He spun me around, looking into my eyes.

"You're new here right?" I nodded my head, not wanting to say another word to him. Just the way he walked, talked, the way he held himself with so much confidence made the butterfly's in my stomach bat there wings.

"Let me show you around" he said quietly, before grabbing my hand and pulling me into the school. I almost tripped over my own feet as he pulled me along. Dragging me behind him, he laughed as he looked back at my worried face every time I almost fell over.

"So what class do you have first?" He asked after we had received my times table from the front office.

"Uh-History" I sighed, there all dead anyway so why do we need to learn about them...

"Me too" he smiled and began walking me to the class.

Why was he being so nice to a new kid like me, I thought to myself, why did he bother to show me around, to help me out and drive me to school, what was the point? So he could have me do his homework while he was focused on being some jock?


	2. Chapter 2

I sat quietly at the lunch table after my last lesson had finished. I pulled out a book from my backpack and started reading quietly, not really focusing on the words, more thinking.

The only person who had talked to me all day was Dean, and he had to leave for football practice during maths, (That lucky assbut) so here I was, alone as I would be at every other school, just reading a book without disturbing anyone, when a guy walked towards me.

"Hey dork!" He yelled out in a British accent, but I kept my face burried in my book, I didnt want to cause any trouble.

"I'm talking to you kid!" He yelled again, ripping thr book out of my hands. I sharply inhaled as the book left my fingers, unsure of what to do. I didn't like fights.

I stayed quiet, looking down at my hands as I fiddled with my fingers, but the boy didn't leave, he just continued yelling, screaming, calling me names but I tried to block him out. Trying to ignore how rude he was being before I felt his fist collide with my face. I cried out in pain as I flew backwards, off the seat I was sitting on and slammed onto the floor below me. My head spun as I tried to figure out what had just happened.

I brought my hands to the floor, keeping my eyes down low as I tried to lift myself. Thats when I noticed the blood all over the pavement. I felt sick to the stomach at the sight of all that blood, my hand touched the top of my head only to find it was my blood.

I got to my feet slowly, trying to keep my balance as my head spun. Swaying slightly as my vision cut in and out. Trying to ignore all the blood. Oh boy, there was so much blood. I looked around, but the boy was gone. I blinked a few times and there, I could see Dean in the distance, running towards me quickly.

"Hey hey hey" he said soothingly, catching me as my legs gave out from underneath me, "you'll be okay" he whispered.

"T-theres so much blood" was all I was able to get out as Dean held me, and before I knew it, I was being carried towards the sick room.

"Im going to kill the son of a bitch that did this to you" Dean muttered underneath his breath, "I'm going to smash there heads in."

____________________

When I woke, I was lying in bed. I looked around at the familiar walls of my room when my eyes met the deep green ones in front of me. Dean was sitting next to my bed, lazily in a chair which was pulled close so he could reach me. He leaned over towards me, a friendly smile across his face.

"Hey," he whispered, "how you doing?" His voice was calm but you could hear the nervousness and worry dripping off of it.

"I'm...better" I breathed, my thoughts foggy. How the hell did I get here, last thing I could remember was seeing all the blood then Dean carried me away.

"What happened?" I asked quietly.

"You passed out before I could get you to a nurse or anyone, but you're okay now." He squeezed my hand with a smile on his face.

After that it went silent, I didn't know what to say cause nothing needed to be said yet. That was until I started wondering why Dean was even doing any of this.

"Dean?" I said quietly, sitting up in bed and crossing my legs. Just looking into his eyes.

"Yeah cas?" He sat up slightly in his chair.

"Why are you doing this?" He thought about it for a second.

"I couldn't let you bleed to death" his eyes widened, watching me.

"No, I mean...why me, why did you pick me up and drive me to school? Why did you show me around and help me? Why do you care?" I needed these answers. I needed to know how he felt. Because if it wasent obvious already, I really like him. But he looks as straight as any straight guy could be!

"I don't know," he sighed, rubbing his hand through his hair, "it's just something about you, as soon as I saw you...well heard you, singing and dancing down the street this morning, you made me smile," a huge smile crossed his face as he spoke, but was quickly washed away by his own thoughts, "And I haven't smiled like that in a long time. I knew that something about you was special, something bigger than us wanted us to meet, and I couldn't deny it" Deans eyes were glassy as he spoke. He gave me a faint smile before opening his mouth. Like he was about to say something but then closing it again.

I just looked at him, did he feel the same way as I felt?

"Dean" I said again, he just answered with a 'mhmm' and a slight smile.

"I-I think" I began, having trouble getting the words out, "I think I love you." As soon as the words left my mouth I felt like an idiot. What if hes straight and likes girls, what if he has a girlfriend already?

Seriously Cas, why are you so stupid! You can't just tell someone you think you love them the first day you meet!

"Sorry" I said immediately, shaking my head and letting go of his hand which I had still unconsciously been holding.

"Why are you apologizing?" He laughed, "love is love Cas" Dean moved foward slowly and put his hands along the sides of my face, cupping my face. It was like we were made for each other, everything seemed to be falling into place just perfectly. He leaned foward slightly and pressed his soft lips against my own before pulling away. Our foreheads rested on each other for a moment before he moved away smiling.

"I was worried you had a girlfriend" I sighed in relief. Smiling up at him.

"I do" he said looking down at the floor as if he was embarrassed.

"What!" I yelled, almost jumping out of bed, "you can't kiss me if you have a girlfriend, t-thats cheating! God, Dean! Thats not right, I dont want to be stuck in the middle!"

"I'm joking Cas" Dean let out a burst of laughter, almost falling off his chair, "I just wanted to see your reaction!"

I looked at him, my face flushing a deep shade of red as he laughed. God, why is he so sexy? I though as I watched him buckle over in laughter, it wasent even that funny...\

****************

Me and Dean had been dating for a couple months now. We were lucky that everyone wasn't too judgmental about it, and the ones who were, were scared shitless of Dean. I would hang out with him all day at school, amd after school. He would have football practice some days, so I would sit in the stalls, cheering him on. He would always be the one to score the winning shot at compitions. While everyone would be celebrating he would turn to me and blow me a kiss, bring me into a hug, say how im the only one who keeps him going and he wins for me, everything for me. After he went on and on I would blush, no one had ever said anything like that to me. No one was ever that nice but Dean Winchester was the nicest and sexiest man on earth. Other times we would end up making out behind some building away from the football field.

"I love you" I would say as he runs his hands down my body, kissing my neck as I hold back a moan. He would laugh as I struggled to hold back any noises. I looked down into his eyes as he pulled away with a smile. We would never get very far since we were taking it slow. Too slow...

He would drive me home after the compitions, giving me a quick kiss before I steped out of the car. But that night I walked inside to both Raphael and Gabriel were sitting in the living room. I froze at the front door and they both turned to face me. I realized that I haven't told them about me and Dean because they were both against gays, well Raphael was, I dont know about Gabe...

"Cas" Raphael spoke, his voice full of disappointment, "sit"

I obeyed his orders and sat in the chair quietly, not saying a word as I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out and quickly read the message which was from Dean.

Hey Cas,

You wanna do something tomorrow seeing as its Saturday? 

You know what, ill be around at 12 to pick you up, plans have already been made ;)

~Dean

I smiled down at my phone before quickly putting it away.

"I think we need to talk" Raph said, interrupting my thoughts.

"About what" my voice was small, quiet and shakey.

"I think you bloody well know!" He yelled, " Dean Winchester!"

"Oh.." great...he knew.

"OH! ALL YOU SAY IS OH!" He yelled, towering over me, "You have been going out with that boy for how long now, and all you say is OH!" I nodded my head as I sunk down into my seat, scared that something was going to happen. I looked over at Gabe, who was trying to ignore what was going on as his eyes became glassy, "I can't have a faggot as a brother!!"

"Raph Stop!" I yelled as a tear fell from my eye.

"Its a sickness! A disease! " he yelled at me.

"STOP IT!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. But that didn't stop Raph. His hand slapped my face, hard enough to make me fall over. I looked up at him from the floor. My face stinging, obviously it was going to leave a mark. Tears streemed down my face.

"Cas..im sorry.." Raph quietly backed away, "I didn-"

"Just shut up" I came to my feet and turned around, running to my room crying.

"Cas!" He yelled, calling out to me apologetically.

"NO YOU ASSBUTT!" I yelled back, "AND ITS CASTIEL!"

I pulled out my phone and called Dean straight away.

"Hello?" He voice came through the phone, I let out a huge sigh as he answered which turned into sobs, tears everywhere.

"Dean!" I cried, "please come get me, come get me now!" I couldn't help but cry. The one I thought loved me like a son just hit me, he HIT me!

"Im outside right now" he said into the phone, I looked out my window and saw his car pull up in the driveway. I pulled my window opened and crawled out, ignoring the knocking at my door from a upset Raphael. I quietly climed down the side of my house and ran over to the car.

"Hey" Dean pulled me into a hug as I cried into his shoulder. He jumped slightly as he saw me and put his finger on my chin, tilting my head so he could see my face. His whole expression changed as he looked at me. He went from worried to angry within seconds.

"Who did this" he whispered, I could feel the anger coming off of him. I stayed silent, "Cas, please tell me who did this."

"Dean, can we just go" I begged, Raph would notice the car soon.

"Not until you start talking" he said, turning the car off in the driveway.

"It was Raphael" I whispered. Suddenly he opened the door and got out of the car, "Dean" I cried out to him.

He continued walking towards the house, he couldn't go in there!

"DEAN!" I yelled out to him, "PLEASE!" but he ignored me. He stoped at the door and knocked on it, I could hear yelling from inside but then I went silent as the door opened, (which was very hard to do since I was so small, it took alot of strength)

Dean pushed himself inside and the door closed behind him. I waited silently in the car, for anything. I was just waiting for Dean to come out and take me away with him.

Yelling and shattering noises came from inside the house. I could hear Raph screaming, telling him to leave, and I couldn't help it anymore. I ran towards my house and kicked the door open.

Dean was standing there while Raphael was across the room, glass was shattered all over the floor but luckily no one was hurt.

"Dean, come back to the car, please" I whispered to him as he stared at him.

"He can't do this to you Cas, just because were togther!" I felt tears begin falling down my face again.

"Please" I cried again. Dean just nodded and walked over to me, "lets go" he whispered.

"This is not fucking over" he yelled, turning to Raphael then walking out of the house with me.

We quietly got into the Car and drove over to Deans house. I wasn't sure what to expect. I knew I didnt want to go back home, I wanted to stay with Dean, but Dean also had a brother, Sam. I had met him a few times but that was all.

I sat quietly in the car, resting my head on the window, looking out as all the houses and trees shot by. I could hear Dean breathing and humming metallic to himself quietly. It made me smile. He made me smile more then anyone in my life. I felt my eyes flutter before the finally closed and I felt myself, slowly drift of to sleep...


	3. Chapter 3

I woke up in a soft bed, completely forgeting where I was I looked around the unknown room until my eyes fell onto someone sleeping next to me. Dean. I sighed in relief as I remembered last night, and now remembered that I was here, with Dean, and no one could tear us apart.

"Mmmmhhm" Dean quietly groaned as he began to wake, his sleepy green eyes blinked open, I could have sworn that they sparked.

"Hey Cas" he said sleepily, turning to me and leaning in to kiss me.

I giggles softly as his kissed me on the lips, he smiled and laughed softly.

"Whats so funny?" He pulled me into a hug, squeezing me tightly.

"Nothing!" I managed to push out as he squeezed me, "Can't breath Dean!"

He laughed and let me go.

"You're cute when you wake up" Dean said, ruffling my hair with his hand, "loving the bed hair" I moved away and I felt myself blush slightly as he said that.

"Oh!" He gapsed, "is my little angel...blushing!" He grabbed me and pulled me over to him again, putting himself on top of me so he was sitting on my belly but not putting all his weight on me.

"Dean!" I struggled to get him off of me, I began kicking my legs as he laughed at me, "get off me!"

"Not gonna happen trench coat angel" he laughed, I couldn't stay even pretend angry at him without laughing. He smirked at me as he began tickling me all over. I screamed out as he continued, I kicked my legs and did everything I could to get him off me, but nothing was working.

"DEAN!" I screamed, unable to stop laughing until there was a knock at the door. Dean quickly jumped off me and ducked under the covers again before the door opened.

I laughed quietly as I got the message he was trying to send me. I turned around and pretended to be sleeping.

"Dean?" Sam's said quietly, "im not stupid, I could hear you guys from down the road." Dean groaned as he pulled the big fluffy blanket back over his head so he could be seen. I did the same and smiled over at him. We both couldn't help but laugh.

"Dean!" Sam yelled, "just get up okay, please..."

Dean sighed as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, I snuggled back down into the fluffy bed and closed my eyes. Listening to the sound of Dean quietly moving around the room, putting new clothing on and tripping over all the crap he had left of the floor, quietly muttering under his breath.

"Ahh"

"Son of a bitch"

"Why is there a bloody brick in here"

"Ouch!" He yelped as he stubbed his toe on the side of the dresser. I laughed quietly, still hiding under the blankets.

"Cas.." he whispered. I opened my eyes to see him knelt down in front of my view, his green eyes staring into mine. I smiled as we just stared. Didn't move at all for a good five minutes.

"Cas" he whispered again, laughing. God he was so beautiful when he laughed, the way his eyes crinkled and you could see the lines on his forehead, the huge smile that crosses his face, "helloooo"

"What" I giggled.

"Time to get up" he whispered, pulling me out of bed.

"Okay okay!" I quickly got up, putting on an old AC/DC shirt of Deans, which was way to big for me and some trackie pants. I looked at my hair in the mirror and just sighed and gave up trying. Dean lent against the door frame as I began to get ready, it was Saturday and he had made plans to go on some date. He refused to tell me anything about where we were going or what we were going to do, but he seemed pretty excited.

"Ready" he said as I walked towards him. I nodded and he grabbed me by the waist. He pulled my into him and rested his head on mine, looking into my eyes. I could feel his hot breath on my face as I looked up at him.

"I hope you love what I have planed." He whispered, our lips almost touching. I bit my bottom lip as he spoke. I looked down at his lips then back up to his eyes. He knew I just wanted him to kiss me, but he was holding off just to tease me. He smiled as I tried to move in to close the gap between us. He just moved back, dodging me and shook his head, laughing.

"You will have to wait Cas" he winked at me as he began to leave the room.

"Don't tease me then!" I groaned, following closely behind as we wallked out to the impala.

I had a feeling this was going to be a pretty good day...

 

*************************

 

Dean led me out to the impala. I could see a picnic basket in the back seat, wrapped in a red and white blanket. He opened the door for me with a smile and then got into the car himself. The car began and I looked over at him, his eyes were focused on the road but he smirked as he noticed I was staring at him. I rested my head on the window, trying to figure out where we were going and what we were going to do. Dean had planed this without me and I didn't like not knowing what was going to happen, it made me nervous and excited.

"Picnic?" I whispered, looking over at Dean as I became impatient. He just shrugged his shoulder in responce, "Come on Dean!" I winned, "I can't wait!"

"Well, you are going to wait, don't worry, five more minutes." He smiled as his eyes became focused with the road again. I just looked over and watched him, I felt like the luckiest person ever. I had an amazing boyfriend who loved me and was funny, handsome and just an amazing person.. Every moment with him was just perfect.

"You're distracting me..." Dean said after a few minutes of me staring at him. I blushed slightly and looked away.

______________________________________

Dean pulled the impala into the car park of a huge fair. Even from the car I could hear the screaming and laughter from everyone who was there. It was bright and colourful with ballons and bubbles floating around the fair ground. The sun was bright and the sky was blue, the whole atmosphere of the place lifted my spirits and made me very happy.

"And this is where we get out" Dean said, smiling over to me and kissing me on the cheek before exiting the car. I smiled to myself as I got out of the car. He walked over and grabbed my hand, holding it tightly as we both walked into the fair together. I could see all the rides and mini games. Dean walked over to one of the mini games and turned to me.

"I'm going to win you something" he smiled and turned to the game which was the ring toss.

He took the ring in hand and tossed it towards on of the bottles, getting it on in one shot. I jumped up happily and cheer for him.

"Your turn" he smiled, handing me one of the rings. I knew I sucked at games like this, but I was going to give it my best shot.

I threw the ring towards the bottles but noticed that it landed miles away from them. Dean began to laugh out loud. I turned to him and gave him my ultimate sad puppy face before it changed and i softly hit him.

"Bitch please!" i yelled as he joked around.

"What!" he put his arms up in defence, "have you never seen a beared lady!" he laughed, pointing towards the lady, who clearly had a beard.

I laughed as Dean turned back towards the ring toss.

"I need a lucky kiss" he said seriously, looking at me. I laughed again and I stood up on my tipy toes and kissed him on the lips, "Okay...Im ready!" he smiled and tossed the ring towards the bottle and it was a perfect shot. It landed on the bottles perfectly.

"YES!!" I screamed as Dean pulled me into his arms, hugging me. The man at the front of the mini game told Dean to choose any prize. He smiled at me then whispered something into the mans ear. The man smiled and went out back to get something. When he returned he had a giant teddy bear in his hands.

Dean said 'thank you' before handing me the giant bear. The bear was almost bigger than me and when I held it, it was hard to see anything. Dean laughed as i struggled to hold the giant teddy. The teddy was holding a giant heart that said the words 'I Love You Berry Much.'

"Dean..." I looked up at him and pulled him into a huge hug, "I love you" I said, he smiled and kissed me on the lips.

We walked around for a while, hand in hand admiring everything. We went on a few rides and played a few mini games before we arived at the farris wheels. 

"You ready?" Dean asked as we stepped inside one of the carts, I shook my head and smiled. I had to admit, I was slightly afraid of heights.

I latched onto Deans arm as we began to move up. I closed my eyes for a second then, before I knew it we were half way up. Dean let out a soft laugh as I held his arm tightly.

I took a few deep breaths and then felt the cart shake from side to side, I freaked out but then saw Dean, who was laughing his head off.

"Dean!!" I screamed and he hugged me as it began moving up again.

It stoped at the top of the ferris wheel. I couldn't look down and I felt myself begin to shake.

"Cas" Dean said in a calming voice. I looked over to him and our eyes locked immediately. He brought me forward and whispered into my ear.

"I love you Cas" thats when I realized, that was the first time he had said that. The very first time he told me that he loved me. I felt my eyes tear up as those words played over and over in my head. I knew Dean wasn't good at saying how he was feeling, he wasn't good at wording things, he would always hide it. He told me he would try to express himself more to me, and finally he did!

I couldnt help but let a few tears fall from my eyes. Dean saw and looked at me with a worried look. He put his finger on my chin, tilting my head up to look at him.

"Why are you crying?...did I do something?...is it the heights?...Cas is it th-"

I pushed my lips against him, shutting him up. Dean smiled through the kiss. His hands moved up, cupping my face as his lips moved against mine. I loved the way his lips felt, warm and soft, sending chills through my whole body, almost as if fireworks were bursting inside of me in the most pleasant way. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him in close, fogetting everything around me. Dean commanded me silently with his tongue for me to open my mouth. I did so, giving up the dominance of the kiss to him. He moaned and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me as close to him as he could. I felt like jelly in his arms, my legs week and wobbly. After a while he pulled away, panting softly. He rested his head against my forehead and laughed softly. He moved around slightly, resting his lips against my ear.

"There waiting for us to get off" he whispered, I jumped slightly as I noticed the doors open and the man was waiting for us to get off. Dean laughed as he pretty much pulled me out of the cart. We ran back to the car togther, laughing along the way.

"Hungry?" Dean jumped into the car, looking at me.

"Very" I answered and he turned the car on and began driving, "where are we going now?" I asked impatiently.

"Somewhere" he answered with a smile. I sighed, "you'll see, just wait!" He yelled, looking over at me for a bit too long.

"Eyes on the road Dean!" I yelled back at him as the car swerved slightly.

"Sorry, your just..." he paused, gave me a quick glance then his eyes went back to the road, "so beautiful" I felt my cheeks heat up again, I didn't know what to say...

We drove towards the beach, but insteed of stopping and heading out to the beach, Dean had another idea. He pulled the car up towards a hill, which from the top, when you looked out, you could see the whole beach. The golden sand and the waves washing up onto the shore.

Dean layed out the red picnic blanket on the green grass. He put the basket down and we both sat down, looking out at the beautiful beach. Dean reached into the basket and pulled out a BLT sandwich and handed it to me.

"I know its not much, but I made it so.." he smiled and watched as I took a bite.

"I love it" I said and we began eating togther. When we had finished Dean pulled out a pie.

"I couldn't forget the pie!" He cut into it and handed me a piece, apple pie, yum!

We quietly ate our pie, glancing over at each other every now and then as we over look the beach. I could hear Dean moan as he ate his pie, he sure did love his pie.

After we had finished we lied down togther. The sun was starting to set and we just lied there on the blanket. I rested my head on his chest as I felt my eyes begin to get droopy. Dean rested his hand on my chest as we lied there.

"Dean..." I said quietly, "I'm getting... sleepy...." I was struggling to keep my eyes open.

"It's okay" he said kissing me on the top of my head, "just sleep cas" and with that, I felt my eyes close and I drifted off to sleep....


	4. Chapter 4

I woke up back at Dean's place. Dean was sleeping peacefully next to me and everything was perfect. I tried to lift Deans arm and snuggle into him, but insteed he ended up waking up slightly, and pulling me in close. The heat of his boby was calming and made me very happy.

We just lied there, cuddling each other for hours. We didn't bother getting up for a long time, for all I cared we could stau this way, holding each other in our arms, forever.

But that soon changed. I suddenly felt Dean jolt. Pushing himself away from me as he fell off the bed and was lying on the floor. I panicked and quickly got to his side, his face was screwed up and he was breathing heavily. 

"Dean!" I screamed as Dean tried to cry out, tears poured down his face but he didnt make a sound, all I could hear was his heavy breathing, "SAM!" I screamed out, "CALL AN AMBULANCE."

Sam ran up to the room, and saw Dean lying on the floor. He began to freak out but I told him to 'calm the fuck down and call an ambulance' and he finally did.

"There on there way!" Sam yelled to me, he didn't move at, it was like he couldn't.

I held Deans face in my hands as he ley on the floor, crying and holding his stomach.

"Dean, focus please, y-you'll be okay. Everything will be okay. Look at me please." His green eyes moved to my face, they were dull and full of pain. They just made me feel worse, tears streamed down my face.

"I-I..." Dean began to speak. I shook my head and told him not to, he'll be okay. But he just shook his head.

"I-I...Love y-you" he managed to push out, pausing between words as he tried to take deep breath. They were slowly getting shorter. More shallow. Then I could see the blue and red light flashing thrpugh the window.

Sam ran to the door and opened it as they rushed.

"You have to let go" one of the men said to me as I held Dean, crying.

I nodded, tears clouding my eyes making everything harder to see.

They placed Dean on a stretcher and carried him out of the house, into the ambulance and off to the hospital.

Each second felt like a minute. Each minute felt like an hour, and each hour felt like a day as I waited until they would let me see Dean. I had cried ever tear I had.

Sam sat next to me with a blank expression on his face. He didn't make a sound. Just stared at the wall in front of us, watching the nurses and doctors run around the hospital. He didn't say anything since he had called that ambulance. We waited and waited, they told us nothing. Only that they don't know what happened, and that we should leave and come back tomorrow. We denied, I was not going to leave until I knew Dean was going to be okay.

8 hours later a nurse walked over to me and Sam.

"You can see him now" She smiled, "he's been asking for you..."

I ran into the room to find Dean lying on a bed, oxygen tubes up his nose, and a whole heap of other things pushing different drugs and medication into him. I sighed as I saw him smile at me.

"Dean.." I cried as tears broke through my eyes again.

"Cas.." he said, his shaky hand reached out for mine, I grabbed his hand and he let out a sigh.

"Im so happy your okay" I cried.

His eyes lit up slightly as I held his hand tight.

"I'll be fine, and I should be out soon. There are no signs of what happened but im okay now." He smiled at me but I could tell he was hiding something behind his smile.

Sam rushed over and hugged him, cryinh way more then anyone I had ever seen.

"I thought I was going to lose you!" He cried, "I didn't know what I was going to do without my brother!"

Dean laughed softly, "I'm not leaving Sammy, I'm not leaving anytime soon"

Something was wrong. I could sense it, but I didn't know what. I just had to wait and see, Dean should be out tomorrow afternoon after a check up. But I had to talk to the doctors and find out what happened, just to check....

********************

The doctors and nurses let Dean out of the hosiptal the next day. They said that they had no idea what happened, and that shouldn't happen again. I couldn'y deny that i wasen't worried, because I was. I was scared that something would happen to Dean, and then he would be taken away from me forever. I tried to ignore my thoughts and just be happy that he was okay, but something was telling me it wasen't okay.

"Cas" Dean walked out of the room and held my hand in his. I smiled at him, "You okay?..." He asked, seeing my doubt and worry.

"Yeah" i sighed, "I'm happy you're okay."

We got a taxi home since Dean always drove us everywhere and we took the ambulance here. Sam was already at the house, lying on the couch when we arived.

As soon as Dean walked through the door, he jumped up, off the couch and into Deans arms, sobbing. He was worried sick, all he did was cry, he was such a sook really...

"Don't do that agaib Dean, please don't do it again" He sobbed. He hugged him tightly and shook his head.

"Dammit Sammy, you're a sooky little bitch, you know that" He let out a soft laugh.

"Jerk.." Sam said, getting a hold of himself.

"You want somethin' to eat?" i asked Dean, he had been eating hospital food all morning, I thought that he would really enjoy some pie. Dean nodded his head with a smile as he sat on the couch.

I walked into the kitched and put a pie in the oven to heat it up, but when i looked out a Dean it made my heart shatter. He sat on the couch, a blank expression on his face. Sam had gone into the other room to take a nap because he haddent slep the whole time Dean was in hospital. I saw a tear fall down Deans face as he sat there. I took everything i had not to cry at what I saw, He looked so sad, but i knew he wouldnt tell me a thing.

"Dean..." i whispered and he jumped, wiping away the tear and turning to me, a smile plastered back on his face, "I know something's wrong, please, talk to me..."

He sat back down on the couch, looking ahead, away from me.

"Cas...I.." he began to cry, it hurt me seeing Dean like this, I knew I would do anything I could to make him happy, "I don't know what happened Cas....no one does..." he sobbed.

I looked down at me feet as he talked, fiddling with m hands, trying not to cry. I had tto be strong...I had too...

"A-and because they dont know...T-they dont know if it will happened again...or if it will get worse...Or..." He just stopped talking, his voice giving out.

"Dean..." I sighed, moving to his side and hugging him, "You'll be okay, everything will be okay..." He looked at me.

"Cas" His voice strong and serious, "I could die Cas"

Silence...

A tear fell down my cheek, followed by many more. He coulldn't die on me, he was the love of my life, my soul mate.

"Well..." i said between sobs, "We'll just have to have fun and do what we can...while we can. Everything will be okay..." He smiled and leaned in to kiss me. His kiss was soft and wet, i could tast his salty tears on his soft lips, thats when i remembered the pie..

"You food!" i said jumping away from him and running to the oven. Dean groaned as I let the kiss, leaving him waiting.

I grabbed the pie out of the over, luckily it wasent burnt, just a little, well, crunchy.

"Your pie sir," I said in my best, waiter voice. Dean laughed at took it out of my hands. I sat next to him.

"Thank you," He smiled, "Now would you be so kind, as to sit down, and give me a kiss"

I laughed and did what he said, giving him a quick kiss, he groaned again.

"What!" I laughed.

"Why don't you give me a proper kiss" he gave me a serious look. He was so needy!

"After you eat you pie, its going to go cold" That was my finaly answer, and he laughed.

"I don't care if it gets cold." he said, in a low, sexy voice. He moved towards me, pusing me onto the couch so i was lying down and he was on top of me. He leaned down and kissed me.

"Damn you Dean" I said, breathing heavily, "I made you that pie."

I tried to resist but after a short while I finally gave in, running my hands along Deans arms. I pulled Dean's jacket off and began kissing him back. Dean pulled away from me and grabbed my blue tie, and pulled it off, followed by my trench coat and shirt. Dean slowly pulled his top up, over his head, not breaking eye contact with my eyes, that when i saw someone out of the corner of my eye.

"Uh....Dean?..." I said trying to pull away, but Dean didn't let me go, "DEAN!" I yelled again.

"WHAT" he yelled back, slightly startled by my reaction. He looked at me, I looked at the figure in the door way, and then Dean reilised what was going on.

"Sam! Oh god..." He yelled, jumping off of me and grabbing his shirt, immediently putting it back on.

I felt myself blush as Sam just stared, it was like he was in shock.

I quickly jumped up, just pulling my trench coat over my body, hiding my bare body.

"Uh..I-I'm sorry Sam.." I said awkwardly, walking back into the kitched, taking my clothes with me.

"Sammy.."

"Dean, just go.." he said, trying not to laugh. Dean just ended up laughing loud, I couldnt help but let out a laugh either.

Dean ran into me as he came into the kitchen.

"You didnt even eat your pie" I sighed. But the sigh soon turned into laughter.

"We'll be more careful next time" Dean winked at me. I blushed slightly...


	5. Chapter 5

Me and Dean ran up to the bedroom, telling Sam not to disturb us at all!

We stood in the bedroom awkwardly both just getting lost in each others eyes. Dean moved foward slightly but stopped a few centimeters away. I could feel his hot breath on my face sending chill down my spine as he always does.

Dean closes the last remaining distance, forcefully pressing our lips together.

It took a few seconds before I realized what was happening. I took a sharp breath in suprise and Dean gave a smirk.

When I parted my lips in that breath of surprise, Dean too the chance, pressing closer, licking his way into my mouth to deepen the kiss.

I accidentally made a small noise in response, more surprise than pleasure, but it’s was enough to make Dean smile and want more, and I find him pushing me down onto the bed as he licks deeper, coaxing my tongue into a response.

I wrapped my arms around the back of Deans neck and when he arranged himself better, I wrapped my legs so they were lock around his waist as well. Dean groaned as I pressed against him just right, and I could feel him beginning to harden.

It’s so damn good, holding each other, warm and close and coming alive as we kiss the way I always wanted to. And it was true, I had always wanted to do this, and I knew he did too.

Pretty soon Dean's hands were scrambling to find skin, pushing up and under the hem of my shirt and sliding around the skin of my waist. I moaned at the touch, squeezing Dean even tighter, and Dean gasped when he feels my erection rub against his own. He slides his hand downwards, easily slipping past the loose waist of my jeans, and grabs a handful of my backside, palming the flesh as he pulls me closer against his body. Our movements become more heated, gasping into each other’s mouths as we grab at each other.

Dean began pulling mine and his own clothing off, our shirts slipping over our head as we parted, but as soon as they were off, Dean moved down, I moaned as he left kisses all the way down my chest then down to my waist. Pulling my loose jeans of a quickly as possible followed by his own, our clothes were thrown and left wherever they landed, all around the room.

Dean moved back up and burried his face into my neck. I let out a soft moan as Dean moves his knee, which was in between my legs, pressing into my groin. I let out a moan as he did so and he smirked at me.

We parted, taking a quick breath. I nodded my head slowly as he came back down onto me. He moved his knee again, circling rotating in my area and I couldn't help but let put a gasp.

"Fuck" I whimper, Dean just lets out a soft laugh.

"Tell me you love me" he groaned, and I groaned in response, "Come on cas..." he smirked as he continued to kiss the side on my mouth, listening to my heavy breathing and moaning.

"Fuck Dean" I groaned as if I had no control in what I was saying, "I love you, please"

Dean laughed softly in my ear as I groaned and moaned.

Deans hands ran down my body and slid his hand down by my boxers and I couldn't help but gasp at the touch. He smirked into the kiss and began palming me through my boxers, making me cry out in pleasure.

At that moment Dean reached across and grabbed something out of the bed side table.

Lubricant.

Dean pulled off mine and his boxers quickly. Dean smiled as he put some lube onto his fingers before I find him pushing one into me. "Your so bloody tight!" He laughed, "first time right?" I nodded my head.

I closed my eyes and threw my head back as he added another. Before I knew it he was pumping in and out. I moaned loudly, my hips moving by themselves to get more of Dean.

"Please D-Dean!" I begged, trying to catch my breath.

"What Cas?" He purred, whispering into my ear making me shake under his grip.

"Damn you Dean!" I laughed, which soon turned into a moan as Dean ran his hands over my body again, "Stop teasing!"

"I don't know what you want?" He laughed again as I buckled under his touch.

"F-fuck me already" I breathed out.

"My pleasure" He smirked, putting lube on his erection and then moving to get into a better position before slowly sliding into me. It was painful at first but quickly turned into overwhelming pleasure. Dean grabbed my hips and began moving in and out. Slowly.

"Go....faster... assbutt!" I yelled at him between breaths.

He nods and before I know it, he's going faster.

"Right...There!" I almost scream before I feel myself explode all over his chest, Dean wasn't too far behind.

Next thing I know me and Dean are lying on the bed, next to each other, panting.

"Good?" He said grabbing my hand a looking over at me.

I nodded, still catching my breath. He smiled over at me.

"You know...we should probably clean up..." Dean laughed, "you can have the first shower while I clean all this up!" I groaned as I pulled my feet over the bed, but decided I didn't care right now.

I fell backwards onto the bed with my feet still hanging over the side.

"Okay" he laughed, "lets just sleep" he pulled my back into the bed and pulled the blankets over us. Our body's pressing together as we both fell into a deep sleep.

*************************

I woke up only to hear Dean singing 'Back in Black' in the shower. I laughed quietly from the bed as I grabbed my phone. I haden't checked my phone for almost a week now.

I had many messages and missed calls from Raph and Gabe.

From: Raph

Castiel, please answer you phone.

\------

From: Gabe

Cas, Raph didn't mean it, please come home. At least send me a message telling me your okay.

\------

From: Raph

Castiel, come home, please. I'm sorry for what I said, I was being a bag of dicks,

Please come home.

\------

From: Gabe

Hey Cas!

I thought i would just tell you that Raph is really sorry. He compleatly accepts that your Gay.

For god sakes, Im gay too!! 

I met this guy at school, he was a total nerd and extremely tall, he has really long girly hair and is kinda like a moose ya know...But we've been talking and I really like him. His name is Sam...wait...come to think of it, he said his last name was Winchester..isn't he Deans brother?!?!?!?!

Anyways he hasn't been at school for the last few days though. Anyways Raph accepts me and will accept you, please come home Cas.

\------

I smile at my phone. Gabe finally found someone, maybe he will put that annoying bugger In his place.

I heard the shower turn off and Dean walked out with a towel around his lower half. I smiled at him as he looked over at me.

"Good morning sleeping beauty" he walked over to me and kisses me on the head, "maybe you should have a shower and put some clothes on." thats when I noticed I was still nude.

Dean laughed as he looked at my suprised face. I compleatly forgot that I was naked...

After I had a quick shower and got dressed I walked back out to Dean, who changed the bed covers because of last night.

"Dean?..." I said quietly. He gave me his adorable smile.

"Hmm?" He sat down on the bed, beckoning me to come over.

"isn't you brothers name Sam Winchester?...." he laughed lightly and nodded his head.

"Yeah it is...why?" I couldn't help but laugh. Us Novaks were both dating a Winchester. Or would be...

"Well, I got a text from my brother saying his likes this guy called Sam Winchester...." Dean smiled

"Hey! Sammy!" Dean yelled from the bed where he was sitting. Next thing we know the door opens and Sam is staning in the door way, waitimg for us to speak.

"Yeah?" He said.

"Do you know a Gabriel?" Dean asked and Sam's face blushed slightly.

"Oh my god you do! And you like him!" Dean yelled jumping off the bed. I laughed at how embarrassed Sam look and how excited Dean was acting.

"You don't need to scream about it..." Sam said quietly, "but yes. I do like him..." Dean walked over and gave Sam a pat on the back.

Dean moved close to Sam before whispering "Get in there Sammy" he winked at Sam then pushed his way through, going down the the kitchen to get breakfast. I followed behind stopping in front of Sam.

"Gabriel is my brother by the way" I laughed slightly.

"Oh..really...I didn't know..Ill just uh tel-" he went on and one talking.

"Dont worry about it" I laughed, "he need a guy like you" and then I pushed past the blushing moose and followed Dean down to the kitchen for breakfast.

Me and Dean sat on the couch with a bowl of cereal. Sam came down to grab a bowl too and sat up at the table, away from us.

"You guys were gross last night...could you possibly be any louder?" Me and Dean looked at each other, trying not to laugh but as soon as our eyes met, laughter bursted out of us.

"We'll try and be louder next time Sammy!" Dean laughed loudly, winking at Sam as he pulled a face.

He looked at me and we just stared at each other for a short moment, before Dean pressed his lips against mine and smiled at me.

"I love you so much" I said and he kissed me again.

"Eww! Gross! Get a room!!" Sam yelled at us.

"We had one last night but you were complaining" Dean yelled back at him.


	6. Chapter 6

Me and Dean were always with each other. We went back to school and Sam got with Gabe. They were happy. I was happy. Everyone seemed to be happy.

That was until one night when Dean started getting worse. One night he jolted awake, in pain like last time.

"Im okay Cas" he groaned, "It'll go away" I didnt believe him for a second. This was the second time. Then there was a third. And a forth. Everytime he was getting worse.

"Dean" I cried into his chest, he pulled away in pain and looked at me, "I'm going to call an ambulance."

"Don't Cas" he cried, but I ignored him, "Cas don't, I'll be fine, I don't want to lose you!"

"You will never lose me" I cried as i called the ambulance. They came around as quickly as possible but before they arived Dean was slowly passing out. His eyes became droopy and he stoped talking, a blank expression was plastered on his face.

"Dean!" I cried holding his face in my hands, "Stay with me, please" his head became heavy so did his body. If i didn't know better I would think he was dead, but i could still see his chest moving up and down ever so slightly.

"I love you Dean, I can't live without you, hold on for me please, hold on" my voice went quiet as i heard people walking through the door, and just like last time they lifted him up onto the strecher and took him away. I didn't leave his side the whole time. I saw as brought him into the ambulance and placed an oxygen mask onto his face. I heard as they said thy didnt know what was causing this. But i also saw his eyes open.

The whole day began to blur, I couldnt even remember walking into the hospital and sitting at the side of the hospital bed Dean was lying in. i could hear the steady beep of the heart machine, meaning he was still alive. I reached my hand out to hold his as he lay there unconscious.

"Would you know my name" i sung quietly though the tears, "If I saw you in heaven?" I looked at his pale face and then felt him squeze my hand slightly.

"Cas?..." he sighed as he woke.

"Oh my god, you alive" i pulled myself over to him, hugging him softly. I pulled away and quickly pressed a button, calling a doctor in here.

"Mr Winchester" the doctor said as she walkd in with a smile on her face, "How are you feeling?"

Dean smiled a week smile.

"Okay I guess.." he sighed, looking at me.

"Okay, any pain?" I looked at him, he didn't say anything, just nodded his head slightly. I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

"Please dont cry Cas" he said turning to me, "I love you, don't cry" I nodded my head, and tried to control the tears.

"It's not too bad though Doctor, just a little pain" He answered.

"Well if you okay, Ill leave you two to talk." She smiled and left the room, shutting the door behind her. 

As soon as she left i almost threw myself at Dean, hugging him with tears stremming down my face.

"Cas, don't worry about me, I'll be fine." I nodded my head even though i didnt believe him, and i didn't think he believed it either.

I stayed with him all day, all week. They didn't let him leave, so i wasn't going to leave. I told him stories about us being together. About how happy Sam and Gabe are together.

I reminded him about our date to the fair, and how much fun i had. I told him about our picnic looking over the beach and how much i loved him. As I talked about everthing, I saw a tear fall down his cheek, but it wasen't sad. He assured me that they were happy tears, happy he found the love of his life, his soul mate before it was too late.

"Don't talk like that" I told him when he said 'before it's too late' he just shook his head slightly.

"I dont know how long i have left Cas" he cried, and seeing him cry made me cry even more. I didn't care what he said, we would be togther forever, he is the love of my life.

"I dont know what I would do without you Dean" I whispered.

That night i slept close to him, lying on the bed as he wrapped his arms around me. I fell asleep listening to the steady, beep, beep, beep, of the heart machine and the quiet sound of Deans breath in my ear.

 

I've felt the coldness of my winter

I never thought it would ever go. I cursed the gloom that set upon us...

But I know that I love you so


	7. Chapter 7

"Morning....'" Dean's voice said, quiet and week, as my eyes began to open.

"Hey" I yawned, looking into his almost lifeless eyes, "How you feeling?"

"Honestly..." He sighed, "Like crap" I hugged him.

I had to admit that i was scared to death that he was going to die, that something would happen, and without Dean here next to me, helping me, loving me, I don't know what i would do.

I brought my hand up to the side of his face, just looking into his sad, lifeless eyes. He was pale and had lost so much weight in the last day. He wasen't hungry for anything, not even pie...I didn't know what else I could do, what else could anyone do?

The doctors and nurses sucked at there job, it angered me. They didn't know what was wrong and it was as if they stopped trying. Stopped trying to save him and just gave up. I would never give up on Dean.

"Cas..." Dean breathed out a long breath, "I-I...Love you" He gave me a week smile and i just hugged him. Nothing could be said, nothing needed to be said.

we sat in silence for hours. A few day's passed and not much was said, we talked about Sam, and how happy Sam was with Gabe. That made Dean smile.

Sam came around to the hospital to visit one day, he couldn't even talk much. I told him it was okay, even though no one believed it. I barely believed anything I was saying lately. Sam cried, but he soon had to leave for a number of reasons. I never left, I didnt care about school or my grades or anything, i only cared that Dean was alive still, and i will be by his side till his last breath.

_________________

It was late at night when it happened.

Dean had fallen asleep with me cuddling him closley. I didn't really sleep, I fell asleep for an hour but when i woke up, there was one long continuous beep.

maybe in another life

"Dean.." I cried into his chest, but i couldn't hear a thing, no breath, no heartbeat, nothing.

I could find you there

"You can't leave me like this" I almost screamed, tears pouring down my face like a waterfall.

Pulled away before your time

The pain in my chest was almost too much to bare. It felt as if my heart was breaking into a million peices.

I can't deal its so unfair

I didn't even notice when the nurses and doctors walked in. All i could hear was my own sobbing.

And it feels

I felt someone's hand on my back, "I'm sorry son, you have to leave" a man said but i couldn't just leave.

And it feels like

"NO" I cried, pulling myself away from the man's grip and hugging Dean's lifeless body closer. 

Heaven's so far away

Before I knew it, people were dragging me out of the room, away from Dean. "Let me through!" I screamed as they dragged me away, closing the door on my face.

And it feels

I fell to my knees in front of the door, unsure of what i was going to do, unsure of how I was going to live without him. He was the love of my life, and now he's dead.

Yeah it feels like

"Time of death, 2:34am" A voice said sadly from inside the room.

The world has grown cold

"This can't be real" I cried quietly to myself, "this isn't real!"

Now that you've gone away

The door opened again and the man let me see Dean for the last time. I ran to his lifeless body and jumped up onto the bed, feeling how cold he had become I hugged him close, begging him to wake up.

"Please wake up" I cried into the crook of his neck, "Please" but his lifeless body didn't move, his green eyes didn't look into mine again and tell me everything was going to be okay, 'cause nothing was okay now. Nothing would ever be okay again...

"I'll be with you soon" I sobbed into his ear, even though i knew he was gone, "We can be together again."

***********************

It had been a week since Dean died. But I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't do anything because everything reminded me of him. Like the green grass and trees outside reminded me of his sparkling emerald green eyes. And the beach would remind me of our time together and how happy we were. And now, all of that is gone.

One night it all was becoming too much, I had moved back with Raph and Gabe but I wasn't happy, they tried everything to help but I knew nothing would work. The love of my life is dead, I dont think anything will help.

So that night I ran, I ran wherever my feet would take me, which ended up being a large forest. I would through, weaving in and out of the trees as tears ran down my face. Thats when I came to a lake. I froze. Watching the water. It looked so peaceful, so calm. It beckoned to me to become a part of it.

I found an old boat on the side, tied to the dock. I untied it and began paddling.

"Would you know my name" I sang quietly to myself as I paddled out the the middle of the lake, "If I saw you in heaven?" I looked up at the sky as small rain drops began to fall.

"Would it be the same" my tears began pouring out of my eyes, but were masked by the rain., "If I saw you in heaven?"

I could feel the old wood underneath me. I could see the water around me, "I must be strong" I just sat there, drifting with the light waves that pushed themselves through the water, "And carry on," The sounds of the birds singing in the distance, "'Cause I know i don't belong" the quiet howling of the wind was all that I could hear as I sat in the old boat, "Here in heaven."

Tears began to prick in my eyes before slowly sliding down my face. My breath got caught in the back of my throat as I slowly stood up. I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore, the burst out of me but I knew no one would be able to hear me cry here, no one could hear my screams.

"Just do it" I cried to myself, as I sobbed. I stood at the side of the boat and jumped into the water. Swimming down into the lake as deep as I could go. Deeper and deeper into the water. Even though I had made up my mind, my body disagreed. I could feel my lungs screaming for air as my legs and arms thrashed around wildly. I tried to stop them but it was as if I had no control, it was so hard not to fight. With the air escaping from my lungs it felt as if a heavy blanket was placed over me.

I cant breath, I though, but this was what I wanted, this is what I had decided.

I could feel my heartbeat slowing down, the panic fading away from my body only leaving numbness. I tried to breath in but water filled my lungs, and before I knew it my body gave up fighting and my mind began to slowly go blank.

This is the end, I thought. I'm going to die, I never even said...goodb-


	8. Chapter 8

I sat quietly. I could feel the old wood underneath me. I could see the water around me. I just sat there, drifting with the light waves that pushed themselves through the water. The sounds of the birds singing in the distance and the quiet howling of the wind was all that I could hear as I sat in the old boat.

I looked around, all this seemed too familer, hadden't this already happened?...

I stood up in the boat and looked around, memories of drowning in the lake returned to me. Dean had died and now what was going on, why am I here again?....

"CAS!" a voice screamed out from behind the trees, "Don't do it!"

Don't do what, I was already dead wasen't I?

Tears streemed down my face as I saw those two green eyes watching me. Eyes full of pain and sorrow. Eyes that made me rething and remember everything. Eyes that made the world around me stop. Every breath, every heartbeat, every sound was pure perfection when I get lost in those eyes, his eyes.

'DEAN!" I screamed out, a mix between sadness and joy.

"Stay there!" He yelled and jumped in the lake, swimming towards me as fast as he possibly could, and within second he was there, hugging me tightly as he paddled the boat back to the dock. I collapsed into his arms as he helped me out of the boat. I wrapped my arms around him and cried into the crook of his neck. He just held me tightly.

"I-i thought you left a-and weren't comming back! You were dead, I woke up and you were dead..." I cried and cried, I couldn't help myself.

"Hey" he whispered quietly, his voice deep and gravely.

Dean was here hugging me again.

I looked up into his beautiful green eyes only to see that they weren't the same. They were dull and sad, tears filled them until they overflowed and began pouring down his face.

"I will always love you" he cried. I smiled up at him as I pushed myself into his chest, hugging him tightly.

"I, Dean Winchester, am in love with Castiel Novak" He yelled loudly, a small smile crossed his face as he yelled it.

___________________________

 

I, Castiel Novak, am dead, but I am also happy. I share a heaven with the love of my life, Dean Winchester. We now get to share eternity together, just like we always wanted. Replaying all of our best memories, like the beach or the fair. Even just hanging at Deans house with his annoying, pain in the ass little brother. The only problem we have is that we don't know how everyone back on earth is doing, We don't know if Sam and Gabe are still together and happy, but we like to hope that they are. And I dont know if I was actually ever found, or if Raph ever found out what really happened.

But soon enough, the bad memories and worries were replaced with new and happy one from here in heaven.

I love you, My Dean, and no one can ever change that.


End file.
